Loving Moo Plus 2: "This is the Life"

I want to be the girl in this picture. I don't want to hurt the way I do. I want my eyes to sparkle even after I cry. But life has a way of changing us.

This is a picture of me pregnant with Moo. This is my Nana. I miss this lady every day. When I look at this picture, I think back and never in a million years did I think motherhood would be like this. My nana was a wise women. She had a strong hispanic accent. When anything sad happened or tragic she would sigh and have this look of sadness and she would say "this is the life." Well that became our life quote. I never really new what it meant, until my life really happened.

October is a hard month for me. We will celebrate Moo's 15th birthday in a few weeks. For many, turning 15 is a right of passage. You can finally get your learners permit, learn how to drive. Go to dances and asked out. Go to the movies with friends and have long sleepover weekends. For us and most parents of children with severe disabilities, its just not the reality.

Our reality goes a little something like this. My child will be 15 and drinks from a sippy cup. I have to order diapers and have them shipped to the house because she no longer fits into store bought ones. I carry my daughter around or push her in the wheelchair. Why? Because she can't walk. Oh wait, is that something you never thought of. I never did either. These are simple things we take for granted. Or how about celebrating in a big way. The reality is, she can't tell me how she wants her birthday to be. So we do the best we can and make it as special as possible.

I am grateful everyday for her. When I say I want to be that girl in the picture.It's not because I want to go back to a simpler time. Life without Moo wouldn't be life at all. But one can never fully imagine wanting something so bad for someone they love and not being able to change a thing. I see how happy I was. I didn't know that my heart could break over and over. I didn't see it, I was young and wanted nothing more than to have that sweet baby I carried in my tummy for 9 months. I look at her and am in awe of how beautiful and innocent she will always be. For that I am grateful. And I am thankful that she isn't aware of life's hardships and what the world is going thru. I am grateful for the challenges life has given me to be the best person I know how to be. She grounds me and keeps me humble.

Remember to be the best person you can be. If you see someone with special needs open your heart. I promise you, your life will be better for it.

Remember one thing:

"This is the life." And man what a life it is........

"This is the Life"

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